04:12:34 Wednesday August 04 2004
Sometimes a comment made ages ago, overlooked at the time, suddenly shines with new insight and profound truth. Once upon a time in highschool I had a girlfriend. I know it sounds improbable as asexual as I come off these days, but she was beautiful, smart, and interesting. We were into SciFi, and RPGs. We both enjoyed the X-Files a great deal.

One night John quipped "She wants you to be the Scully to her Mulder." At the time I took it in the manner it was intended (namely a crack about my masculinity from a gay guy). But looking back on it today it has deeper meaning. In the television program Mulder was made human by Scully. She kept him grounded. Without her to question him at every step he would be out chasing his own shadow. Reciprocally Scully was made human by Mulder. Without him she wouldn't believe in anything. Without him her life would lack adventure and drama.

Looking at the two of us today you can get a fairly clear picture of what Mulder and Scully would look like if their partnership had been cut short. She believes and internalizes every interesting proposition that comes her way. I think she is to the point where she has some small difficulty dealing with non-SciFi/Fantasy types. I, on the other hand, believe in nothing. Moral Relativism bordering on Nihilism plus Material Atheism is about the lowest common denominator as far as beliefs go. My life certainly lacks dynamism, and I know that I have trouble dealing with "normal" people.

This is not to say that I am unhappy, although I certainly wouldn't say that I was happy either. I make no apologies for my decisions and accept the full weight of their consequences. And, I am certainly not sitting here seven years later and pining for my highschool girlfriend. I just read her journal post and it struck me how our lives are this perfect allegory for an over hyped 90s television program.